Watching my hands

Have you every watched yourself do something?

I'm not talking about on Zoom during meetings, where you just can't help staring at yourself on the screen and thinking, "Do I really make that face when I'm bored?" or "I *don't* have any sort of poker face at all."

I play the piano for services at my church every other month. We're finally back to in-person services, which is awesome, but when we were online, I played for a couple weeks. The video crew had a camera sitting next to the piano, which meant up close looks at the pianist's hands as she played. (maybe this link will work to show you mine - you'll have to fast forward to about 4:00 before the service)

It was weird.

I don't usually watch my hands while I'm playing (or typing, for that matter). I'm more focused on the music. I'll glance down occasionally to make sure I'm in the right place on the keyboard, but for the most part, my eyes are glued to the music (or to the computer screen when I'm writing).

So to see what my hands look like when I'm playing the piano was surreal. They were quieter than I thought. When you watch professional concert pianists in their performances, their hands are flying up and down, back and forth, all over the keyboard. They're often more dramatic, with big flourishes and an almost aerobic playing style. I don't play like that - at least not on purpose.

But it was still odd to watch. I was trying to recall what my piano teacher taught me, but it's been so long, I can't remember. She had smaller hands than mine, so her way of playing required more jumps. I can actually reach 10 notes if I stretch, but I don't think she could reach a full octave. I'm sure she didn't let me add the flourishes and drama outside of the music. Of course, I was learning in the days before home video equipment, so there aren't any recordings of my first-grade self learning, being frustrated to tears, threatening to quit. Nope, no drama at all.

But it's strange to watch my own hands. I see them from the top all the time, curved over the keys, poised to put what's in my mind on the screen or what's on the page into the audiosphere. Watching them from the side is like watching someone else perform.